Lupita.

When I pictured this Home, I pictured a bunch of girls with severe CP. That was about it. That is what I knew, and that is what I thought I would have.

I am so glad God had other plans. 

I was told Lupita had a syndrome, and that she could dress herself. That was about it. Her syndrome has the ability to cause severe developmental and mental delays. When I first met her, she grabbed me, and didn't want to let go. But she wouldn't respond to any of my questions.

She didn't speak to us for days. She would follow directions, but no speaking, and some of the faces she made, made me think she wasn't as smart as she turned out to be. It seems to be a theme with me, expecting so little of my girls initially. Thankfully, they have all proved me wrong!!! :)

Not a happy camper.

From the beginning she would wake crying multiple times in the night. Once, we were coming back from the City and she had been with us for just over two months. She had fallen asleep in the back, and though it was dark out, we had the inside light on. She woke from one of her nightmares, and the sight of her through my rear view mirror has me tear up just thinking about it. She woke screaming, grabbed the car seat next to her and started violently shaking. She was so scared from whatever she had dreamed, it took her a bit of me talking her down before she could wake up and become oriented. 

I don't remember exactly when they stopped, but praise God, they have. She still needs someone to sit in the room with her until she sleeps, but she doesn't have nightmares anymore. 

Randomly out of the blue, she will tell me stories of her past. I think it is only a small glimpse into what she has experienced, and it is not pretty. 

She used to get upset very easily, and could cry for an hour or more before falling asleep exhausted. She would cry for hours at school, and throw herself on the floor. They couldn't do anything to make her stop. It got to the point where I was afraid they would kick her out! She would never tell me why she cried so much, but thankfully that has stopped too. 

There were some definite learned behaviours that were ugly, but I guess when you are treated a certain way, and spoken to in a certain way, you think that is normal, and that is how others are to be treated. 

She used to live at home where she was neglected, then she was sent to another children's home where they did everything for her (including wiping her nose for her. At 5 years old!!!), to our house where there were rules, and kids with special needs, and a new school, new house, new town, new people who she didn't know, etc. Once we knew how smart she was there were expectations and boundaries placed on her. It was all so new, and I can't imagine what she was thinking. 

Decorating the Christmas Tree was fun.

Her behaviour started to improve, but then I started to notice she would do things, then ask me, "Are you happy that I did ...?" It was about making the people around her happy. When she was at school, sometimes she would tell her teacher that she wanted to stay with her. And when I would see her at school, she would say she wanted to go home with me. I started to realize that the attachment I thought we were forming was the same as with others. I tried to tell her she is permanently with me, and that I am like her second mother, but I think she still fears having to leave. I don't blame her. 

So I started taking her with me more, and speaking more words of affirmation and reassurance to her. I think it will be an overall long process, but it is one that I am fully committed to. I don't want her to go through life trying to make myself and others around her happy, just so she won't have to move on!

Lately I have seen something beautiful emerging in her heart. 

She is funny, and she is fun. She loves to laugh, and loves to make those around her laugh.

 

She has become very good friends with Shirley. She wants to bring her with us if we go somewhere, she always wants to help her with the stairs, or with her clothes, or getting up into her chair at the table, climbing up the play equipment, or whatever she needs. 

Swinging at the park.

Right before the two of them were going to have surgery, Lupita was helping to calm a crying Sara.

If I am doing something, she wants to help me (bringing in groceries, cleaning things up, baking, etc). 

She likes to hold her baby the same way I hold my babies. :)

She also likes to hold the real babies too. 

Leydi was a bit heavy for her, but she managed for a few minutes. :)

She likes to help Luz (who is blind and deaf) get where she needs to be.

For an hour each day the nannies go on break, and I hang out with the six girls. (I love it!) Sometimes we play in the playroom, sometimes we watch tv (when I'm tired and want a cop out!), but lately we've all gone outside. I would walk Leydi and Sara around in their wheelchairs, and read stories to everyone. 

Lupita now asks to take the girls for a spin. Leydi, especially, loves it!!! She gets the biggest smile on her face while she's being wheeled around, and when Lupita parks her against the wall (which Lupita does expertly, backing them into their spots), she starts to cry! So Lupita happily takes her out again. 

Sometimes the girls heads fall forward from their headrest on their wheelchairs, so I go place their head back in place. Lupita has now started to notice, and do it herself!!! I was so proud the first time I saw it. She often notices before I do, and this is something that I had to remind the staff of several times! 

Going for a stroll. 

When I put it all together, I wanted to express to her how much all her actions meant to me. At five years old, and having only spent less than 8 months with us, I believe some of it she has learned from us, but mostly this is who she is. A helper. A lover. A giver. A friend.

I pulled her onto my lap, and started telling her what a beautiful heart she had. And (of course) I started to cry. She couldn't see me, but she said, "I hear you are crying." So I explained that some tears are good, and I was so happy and proud of who she is, and how she treats others around her and has compassion. She immediately jumped up and went to play, but I notice she pretends to ignore when I compliment her. At night when I tell her she is beautiful, and that I love her, she usually deflects it and does something to try to distract me. 

I wasn't happy initially when she came to me. I had a vision of what type of children I wanted to have and she didn't match that. And when the behaviours started coming out, I knew I was out of my league. I'm a first time mom, with little experience. You can imagine I stressed!

But God.....

He knew I needed her. He knew I needed her to make me laugh. He knew I needed to see her heart healing. He knew I needed a little girl to play with. He knew I needed to learn what unconditional love was. 

I hate to make it all about me, and I know it isn't. I know she is gaining from this relationship as well. I just see so clearly what she has given to me. And I hope I don't mess it up for her. 

So please pray for us. Pray for her heart to emotionally heal from her past. Pray that the real little girl that she is can come fully out, and feel secure and real with us. Pray that she will be a confident girl, who knows she is loved no matter what. 

Pray that I can guide her through her fears and insecurities. Pray that I will form a close and trustworthy bond with her. Pray that I can show her the one true Father who loves us all, and made us all perfect, and with purpose. 

My little love.

Sara.

When Sara came to us at the end of January, she was 21 months old, 14 pounds, couldn't hold her head up, couldn't make eye contact, was a little, limp lump in our arms.... and she was gorgeous.

First day meeting precious Sara.

She had been abandoned at 3 months, and lived in another children's home until coming to us. I, in all my infinite wisdom, told the staff that she wouldn't walk, or talk, or feed herself, etc. As if that was what she was to be defined by.

Because she was used to being left alone, she wouldn't cry, or call out to us, or do any kind of attention seeking behaviours. She was easy to put in the corner and forget about until it was time to feed her again. As much as it pains me to say this, that is what we did for a time.

It dawned on me that more needed to be done with her. I started getting in her face and talking to her throughout the day. I would say hi to her whenever I walked by. The next week the physical therapist, Vivian, called me to the therapy area to show me something. Vivian had already been working with her for about a month by this point. She told me that all of a sudden for some reason Sara was much more relaxed, and was opening up her fingers and splaying them, whereas before she would hold them clenched up in a fist.

I told Vivian I had been talking and interacting more with her, and she was so surprised at the change. She encouraged me to do more. At this point, I asked the staff to get in on it. I asked them to talk to her as much as they could.

Soon I could make her laugh, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had heard.

Then she started to make eye contact. And track us as we walked by. And lifting up her head while she was lying down, so that she could see what was going on. I told her pediatrician what she was doing, I don't think he believed me. When she made eye contact with him, he was so excited too!

I was blown away. Literally. Hadn't I already decreed she wouldn't do any of those things?!?

I am so happy she is surpassing and overcoming so much. It is like Vivian says, her little brain is waking up! With a lot of stimulation, good food, therapy, and a whole lot of love, this little girl is going to do great things!

Sadly I can't load the video on this blog, but the most amazing thing happened last week. I was in the play room with some music on, and I had Sara beside me. I was singing and clapping along, when I noticed that Sara was making movements similar to clapping. I wasn't sure that it wasn't just a reflex movement, so I stopped and got my video ready. When I stopped, she stopped. When I started again to clap, she did too! If you want to see the video, please visit our Facebook page, here.

I didn't ever think she would reach such a level of function. But now I am planning the day she starts speaking, maybe walking, etc. If she doesn't do anything new from this day on, no big deal, but you had better believe I am going to push her to do the absolute most she can. Because when I look into those gorgeous eyes, I see a little girl that wants to do so much more!

New chairs!

Sara is one of my little ones, and I was going to wait to get her a wheelchair until she was a bit bigger. But almost EVERY time we lie her down, she lifts up her head to look around. She has zero interest staring up at the wall. Guess I don't blame her. :)

So when Leydi came, we went to some friends who have a ministry near Antigua. They also have a home for kids with special needs, a village ministry to assist families with special needs, and they provide wheelchairs. I asked my friend Daryl where I could take the girl to get them fitted for chairs. He offered to pick them up for me, and seat the girls himself at his house. Yay! That meant I got to visit his family while he worked. ;) Plus, he paid for them for me with a grant he had. I am so thankful for their generosity and love!

 Getting Sara fitted in her chair.

Leydi took a little longer because of her scrunched up, lack of core muscle-y self. But we got it worked out! And when I say we, I mean Daryl and his friend Joe. I was still inside visiting his family. :)

Joe and I with my cute girlies in their new chairs!

Thanks Wanda and Daryl for being such great friends, though Daryl is fully aware I am his friend only because I love his wife Wanda so much. ;) And maybe because he gives my babies free wheelchairs.