I took Lupita to McDonalds. We have been having some serious issues with behaviour at school, and punishing was NOT working at all. So now I have resorted to the highly effective parenting tool; bribery! If she behaves at school during the week, then we get to go on a date, just the two of us. It has worked like a dream for almost a month now.
She got ice cream, and we ate our treats together (I like that part). Then it was time for the play place!!!
Very quickly I noticed that four or five girls had noticed that Lupita looked different. They quickly banded together and watched out for her. When she would head towards where they were (not to talk to them or anything, just playing), they would scream and run away. And my heart broke every time. I wanted to knock those girls heads together, and take Lupita away and love on her forever and ever where no one would ever call her names and say or do mean things. I prayed she wouldn't notice.
But my Lupita is too smart. We got in the car to go home and she said to me, "those girls were scared of me". Crap. I'm so glad I didn't have to look her in the eyes. I know, I'm a wimp. I remember talking to my friend Ruth before she even came to me, telling her I didn't know what I'd do when kids made fun of her. When she began to realize that she looked different. What would I say? How would I help to build her confidence and make it through this rough world? Life is hard enough without other little girls screaming and running away from you because of what you look like.
So I lied. I told her they were playing a different game, and that is why they were screaming and running around. She didn't say anything after that, but I know this girl. She is smart, and sees and understands a LOT of what is going on around her.
Please pray that I would have the right words. That me loving on her will be enough. That I will give her the confidence she needs to make it through. That she will KNOW that God loves her. That He allowed her to be this way for a reason, and He doesn't make mistakes.
Naomi,
ReplyDeleteThe words will come. She's a treasure. You're a new "mom"
We all go through those moments where other kids or other parents are saying things about our "typical" kids. We Mom's want to smash the heads of kids who don't get our kids or make fun of them or whatever.
I had an incident last week and I stormed outside with full intention of ripping this 8 year old a new one, and once I got out there God came over me and the words that came out of my mouth were loving and educational.
You'll get there. Don't feel bad. We've all lied to our kids.
You're doing amazing things.
Thank you for your encouragement. I find my first response is always immediate anger and defensiveness, and I have to be patient and let God work in my heart.
DeleteI will pray! My Ian's disabilities are not the kind that make him look different. But he is loud because he has profound hearing loss. He talks funny because he has speech delays. He jumps every where because of his ADHD and he touches everything and everyone with no boundaries because of his SPD. Plus he's black and I'm white (he's adopted). So we get a lot of stares. I've always told my kids to just smile when people stare at them and then go on your way. If little kids ask questions about Ian--I answer them. If they are mean--I've been known to tell them off. Luckily Ian (he's 6) hasn't figured out yet why the kids were mean. Or if he did know it was about him--he didn't let on. He asked me one day why the kids were being mean (after I had told the other kids off and we left) and said because they are just mean kids. But we don't care. We know God loves us and we just don't play with meanies. It's worked so far. It does break your mother's heart though. You'll have the words for Lupita when you need them. You are doing great! And her gorgeous smile and sweet spirit will win her friends when they are the right friends. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It does break my heart. I still want a bubble for her. And I know it will get worse as she gets older. I pray she finds some good friends to help her through, and I pray she learns to know her worth as a child of God, not what others think of her!
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